penis envy, for selfish reasons
the money i would give to have sex like a straight man. to be able to have the luxuries that hetero guys take for granted.. or are even annoyed by.. premature ejaculation, unwanted hardons while looking at pretty girls on the street, the risks of knocking some girl up, or blue balls, or bad blow jobs from girls who use their teeth. i'd love to worry about condoms breaking, or my wife going off the pill without telling me. i'd take all those frustrations to have a penis that worked normally when thrusted into any given vagina . most of this comes from having a rather uncooperative vagina, to put it nicely. what money i would give to be able to bend my wife over, fuck her for 5 minutes, get off, and be done. i'm not sure she'd be thrilled with the idea.. but with my unruly vagina as the keeper of my orgasms, i'm almost ashamed to admit that i'm one of those girls who just has a rough time getting off by someone else's hand/mouth/artificial member. i'm even more ashamed to admit that im one of those girls who says, "it's always been this way." i'm easier on some occasions over others - before my period, if i'm incredibly turned on (though theres a fine line there.. too turned on builds things up too much, and then it just doesnt work...), if my wife and i are being really fucking kinky..
now, on the other side of things, i've never met a vagina i couldn't conquer. i've met, slept with, had lengthy relationships with women who could "never come in bed" before me, and could have been the reason that i stepped up my game.. but i didn't believe for a second that i couldn't make them get off, regarless of how well they knew their pink parts. part of my insitance on being a good lay/a good top was to take the pressure of me being bottomed into a position (quite literally sometimes) of laying, hoping things downstairs would just fucking come already.. knowing that the type of touching was right, good speed, right amount of pressure, sufficient amount of lube, nice rhythm, good build-up, being turned on, stars aligned, a favorite fantasy in my head.. but after 30 mins, an hour, carpal tunnel and a locked jaw, and i would be no closer to coming than when we just started, or if we were taking a long walk on the beach, or buying kitty litter at target. as the top, there's nothing more frustrating (to me) than fucking someone who just can't come.. who will stop you in the middle of things because those pink parts wont work properly. it makes me feel inadequate, grumpy, like i'm not a good lay. and, there's nothing more i dislike more than feeling like a bad lay. so naturally, the last thing i want to do is to poke at my play partner and say .. yeah, hi. umm.. i know you've had your head between my legs for an hour and a half, but it's just not going to work. aside from not wanting to make them feel like a bad lay, my eternally optimistic (and fucking horny) self still believes than an hour and a half in, there's still a chance i could come. because, i like to come, dammit. who doesn't?! so i don't like to go into laying on my back with the assumption that things won't work, and with any sort of time limit. i'm the last person to stop myself (or herself) without giving them as many chances as possible. and ya see, as much as i like to rub my own parts, there's really nothing better than someone else making them explode. so i always have hope. and i'm not about to be one of those "it's just hard to make me come" sort of girls who thinks that not coming is okay. bullshit, i say. i'll never stop making my permanent play partner (i.e. my wife) spent hours at a time in between my legs as long as my optimism exists. maybe by not even giving her the opportunity to spend an hour and a half getting chin-burn and a neck cramp is my way of preserving my optimism. i don't want my pink parts to let me down.. i don't want to let her down.. i don't want her to think that shes a bad lay, that she can't get me off, that she's doing anything wrong - when, like a mathematical formula, everything is supposed to work. after x amount of y, squared, divided by three, all signs should point to O. shunning my parts.. punishing them.. not even giving them an opportunity to feel stroking fingers, a warm mouth, and a welcome tongue.. .. if they can't play nice, then they can't play at all, i say. they need to learn how to cooperate, and if not.. well, then no x or y for you! i don't mind abusing my parts, making *them* feel bad, inadequate, a bad lay... i just want to prevent my wife from feeling that way.
back to the penis envy. so yes.. i'd love to have some normal-sized, regular, every day penis that reacts how it's supposed to, to everything that it's supposed to. maybe it's a misconception, but there's just not a whole lot of guys out there, i don't think, saying that they're just one of those guys who can't come.. and they'd rather concentrate on you, and dont worry about them.. their penis is just uncooperative and they'll be just fine. i mean, there are the stray guys writing into dan savage about masterbatory habits which have influenced their penis' likes and dislikes, or guys who can't come unless they're thinking of something terribly kinky and pervy... but your regular joe schmo with his every day penis probably hasn't met a normal jane's vagina his penis didn't like. that's where my penis envy breeds from.
so where does that leave me? somewhere in between asking my wife for sex, and fearing finding myself flat on my back worried that i wont be able to come.. worried that i'll suffocate my wife before i'll come, that she'll start to associate getting me off as something long, and time-consuming, and difficult when we don't have enough hours in the day as it is to do non time-consuming, easy, every day things (like buying kitty litter at target). i joke a lot with her because i'm not quite sure what else to do with my vagina's aching needs, and crying wolf nature that makes me fear finding myself in a state of orgasm stalemate, when all i want in the world is to just get off.. like any person, really. i refuse to be one of those girls who is complacent with not getting off. i refuse to have my optimism disintegrated by my unruly vagina.. it leaves me wanting my wife in between my legs, wanting my parts to cooperate, and hoping that as i get older, they just might start to catch on.. i want to know that when my pants come off, i'll get to come - plain and simple. that x and y will lead to O. that there's no secret trick, or voodoo magic needed to make it go. that my wife will feel confident in raising an eyebrow and heading dowstairs, not worrying about the tough audience that is my parts. that my persistance to get into my wife's pants will end in us both in post-orgasm bliss. i don't think that's too much to ask.
oh no mr. vagina - i'm not letting you off the hook. unless my transneeds overwhelm me and i transition, im stuck with your ass... and you're going to need to step up before i consider getting rid of you a pro in the "to transition" column. i've already started having sex with silicone attachments in front of you, and i will continue to until you show some sign that when i shove her head down there, you're going to play nice.
now, on the other side of things, i've never met a vagina i couldn't conquer. i've met, slept with, had lengthy relationships with women who could "never come in bed" before me, and could have been the reason that i stepped up my game.. but i didn't believe for a second that i couldn't make them get off, regarless of how well they knew their pink parts. part of my insitance on being a good lay/a good top was to take the pressure of me being bottomed into a position (quite literally sometimes) of laying, hoping things downstairs would just fucking come already.. knowing that the type of touching was right, good speed, right amount of pressure, sufficient amount of lube, nice rhythm, good build-up, being turned on, stars aligned, a favorite fantasy in my head.. but after 30 mins, an hour, carpal tunnel and a locked jaw, and i would be no closer to coming than when we just started, or if we were taking a long walk on the beach, or buying kitty litter at target. as the top, there's nothing more frustrating (to me) than fucking someone who just can't come.. who will stop you in the middle of things because those pink parts wont work properly. it makes me feel inadequate, grumpy, like i'm not a good lay. and, there's nothing more i dislike more than feeling like a bad lay. so naturally, the last thing i want to do is to poke at my play partner and say .. yeah, hi. umm.. i know you've had your head between my legs for an hour and a half, but it's just not going to work. aside from not wanting to make them feel like a bad lay, my eternally optimistic (and fucking horny) self still believes than an hour and a half in, there's still a chance i could come. because, i like to come, dammit. who doesn't?! so i don't like to go into laying on my back with the assumption that things won't work, and with any sort of time limit. i'm the last person to stop myself (or herself) without giving them as many chances as possible. and ya see, as much as i like to rub my own parts, there's really nothing better than someone else making them explode. so i always have hope. and i'm not about to be one of those "it's just hard to make me come" sort of girls who thinks that not coming is okay. bullshit, i say. i'll never stop making my permanent play partner (i.e. my wife) spent hours at a time in between my legs as long as my optimism exists. maybe by not even giving her the opportunity to spend an hour and a half getting chin-burn and a neck cramp is my way of preserving my optimism. i don't want my pink parts to let me down.. i don't want to let her down.. i don't want her to think that shes a bad lay, that she can't get me off, that she's doing anything wrong - when, like a mathematical formula, everything is supposed to work. after x amount of y, squared, divided by three, all signs should point to O. shunning my parts.. punishing them.. not even giving them an opportunity to feel stroking fingers, a warm mouth, and a welcome tongue.. .. if they can't play nice, then they can't play at all, i say. they need to learn how to cooperate, and if not.. well, then no x or y for you! i don't mind abusing my parts, making *them* feel bad, inadequate, a bad lay... i just want to prevent my wife from feeling that way.
back to the penis envy. so yes.. i'd love to have some normal-sized, regular, every day penis that reacts how it's supposed to, to everything that it's supposed to. maybe it's a misconception, but there's just not a whole lot of guys out there, i don't think, saying that they're just one of those guys who can't come.. and they'd rather concentrate on you, and dont worry about them.. their penis is just uncooperative and they'll be just fine. i mean, there are the stray guys writing into dan savage about masterbatory habits which have influenced their penis' likes and dislikes, or guys who can't come unless they're thinking of something terribly kinky and pervy... but your regular joe schmo with his every day penis probably hasn't met a normal jane's vagina his penis didn't like. that's where my penis envy breeds from.
so where does that leave me? somewhere in between asking my wife for sex, and fearing finding myself flat on my back worried that i wont be able to come.. worried that i'll suffocate my wife before i'll come, that she'll start to associate getting me off as something long, and time-consuming, and difficult when we don't have enough hours in the day as it is to do non time-consuming, easy, every day things (like buying kitty litter at target). i joke a lot with her because i'm not quite sure what else to do with my vagina's aching needs, and crying wolf nature that makes me fear finding myself in a state of orgasm stalemate, when all i want in the world is to just get off.. like any person, really. i refuse to be one of those girls who is complacent with not getting off. i refuse to have my optimism disintegrated by my unruly vagina.. it leaves me wanting my wife in between my legs, wanting my parts to cooperate, and hoping that as i get older, they just might start to catch on.. i want to know that when my pants come off, i'll get to come - plain and simple. that x and y will lead to O. that there's no secret trick, or voodoo magic needed to make it go. that my wife will feel confident in raising an eyebrow and heading dowstairs, not worrying about the tough audience that is my parts. that my persistance to get into my wife's pants will end in us both in post-orgasm bliss. i don't think that's too much to ask.
oh no mr. vagina - i'm not letting you off the hook. unless my transneeds overwhelm me and i transition, im stuck with your ass... and you're going to need to step up before i consider getting rid of you a pro in the "to transition" column. i've already started having sex with silicone attachments in front of you, and i will continue to until you show some sign that when i shove her head down there, you're going to play nice.
posted by imamessiguess at 5:12 PM
1 Comments:
As someone who's had the exact same thought process on a rather frequent basis, i must express my appreciation for this post.
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