more hair : part one of __
my hair. have we talked about my hair? well, yes.. we touched on it at the very beginning. let's get a little more involved, shall we?
my hair is brown, longish/shoulder-length, thick, wavy, with some natural blonde streaks at the front. it's heavy. it's unmanageable. my wife loves it. my mom loves it. hairdressers love it. it's the envy of anyone who ever runs their hands through it. bottom line? i hate it. and, as much as i don't want this blog to be about how i hate my body, i'd like to just sort of set the record straight on a few things - my current appearance being one of them. and as i sit here and realize that what i'm aching to write about is how unsatisfied i am about my body, i feel the need to go ahead and get it all out while i have a moment. we've embraced my inability to wear men's clothing, and my overweight problem, but now let's talk about the hair. it seems to be the root (ba doom boom) of a lot of my issues.
when i was a kid, i had short hair... as short as my mother would let me, which usually let to a bowl haircut. nice. going into middle school and high school, i embraced.. wait for it.. oh yes, the mullet. the long hair in the back was my mothers and my compromise on how short i could get it cut. so the front, sides were as short as any hairdresser (who knew i was a girl) would cut it, pointy sideburns and all, and the back was never short enough for me, but of an approving length for my mom. after a devastatingly bad haircut right before my senior year of high school, i stopped cutting it, and let it grow out to one length, which is did over the course of about a year... just in time for college.
in college, i dated a girl who had short red hair. so short, the back was actually shaved.. well, buzzed within 2 centimeters of her scalp. after her suggestion (after hearing my constant complaining about the thickness of my hair), i got the underside of my hair, from the nape of my neck to just below my ears, buzzed to the same length as hers. i loved it. it was the reverse mullet. i could have my hair up, and i looked butch.. i could have it down, and look normal (and not like a scary lesbian). i had it that way for about eight years. no, really. i grew it out once i started working in an office environment and was going for a more professional look. which is where i am now.. back to hating its thickness, overwhelmingness, and cope with my hatred by punishing it and confining it to a ponytail worn low on my neck 90% of the time during the day when i'm awake. ive tried different style and cuts, shorter, longer, straightened (which isn't too bad, actually, but is terribly time consuming).. and no luck finding anything i like. of course, my wife, my mom, and my hairdressers all can't say enough good things, and all would love to see me wearing it down more often, but they don't have to suffer. why don't i cut it? because the opinion (and thus, love) of my wife and my mom means too much. why didn't i cut it when i was in college (when i got my ear pierced, a tattoo, and flunked out a semester)? no fucking clue.
apparently i digress. this could be part one of __ at the rate this is going. so we've established the hatred of my hair.. the history, the reasons, the lack of solutions. with no plans of cutting my hair anytime soon, i feel like i'm constantly struggling with how to live with it, and give up the dream of having thinner hair, or at least a long/thin face instead of my round/chubby one that would compliment a short, butch haircut well. parts two, three, four and so on will most likely touch on how even if i wanted to try to pass maybe one day, i consider my hair a devastating handicap for the cause; and how men can have long hair and still be sexy, not to mention pass 100% of the time (i mean c'mon, look at johnny depp, and my wife's first true love); and speaking of my wife, maybe she has a thing for women and/or men with long hair (and doesn't even know it) and i would be shooting myself in the foot for a) screwing what everyone thinks, and embracing a short haircut with my round girlish face.. or b) trying my hand at being a man with short hair; oh, and we haven't even touched on the rock star aspect of my life (a major factor), and how cutting my hair (or somehow being more mannish in any way) would affect (as in make or break) my would-be-could-be career as a musician/front woman of a band; and, really, am i looking to have short hair for practical purposes? passing abilities? or maybe because i'm aching to be a butch lesbian and not a man at all? who knew so much thought when into a hairstyle? who knew so much thought when into keeping a hairstyle you hate? it's a fascinating place, my head... again, welcome. having fun yet? ;)
my hair is brown, longish/shoulder-length, thick, wavy, with some natural blonde streaks at the front. it's heavy. it's unmanageable. my wife loves it. my mom loves it. hairdressers love it. it's the envy of anyone who ever runs their hands through it. bottom line? i hate it. and, as much as i don't want this blog to be about how i hate my body, i'd like to just sort of set the record straight on a few things - my current appearance being one of them. and as i sit here and realize that what i'm aching to write about is how unsatisfied i am about my body, i feel the need to go ahead and get it all out while i have a moment. we've embraced my inability to wear men's clothing, and my overweight problem, but now let's talk about the hair. it seems to be the root (ba doom boom) of a lot of my issues.
when i was a kid, i had short hair... as short as my mother would let me, which usually let to a bowl haircut. nice. going into middle school and high school, i embraced.. wait for it.. oh yes, the mullet. the long hair in the back was my mothers and my compromise on how short i could get it cut. so the front, sides were as short as any hairdresser (who knew i was a girl) would cut it, pointy sideburns and all, and the back was never short enough for me, but of an approving length for my mom. after a devastatingly bad haircut right before my senior year of high school, i stopped cutting it, and let it grow out to one length, which is did over the course of about a year... just in time for college.
in college, i dated a girl who had short red hair. so short, the back was actually shaved.. well, buzzed within 2 centimeters of her scalp. after her suggestion (after hearing my constant complaining about the thickness of my hair), i got the underside of my hair, from the nape of my neck to just below my ears, buzzed to the same length as hers. i loved it. it was the reverse mullet. i could have my hair up, and i looked butch.. i could have it down, and look normal (and not like a scary lesbian). i had it that way for about eight years. no, really. i grew it out once i started working in an office environment and was going for a more professional look. which is where i am now.. back to hating its thickness, overwhelmingness, and cope with my hatred by punishing it and confining it to a ponytail worn low on my neck 90% of the time during the day when i'm awake. ive tried different style and cuts, shorter, longer, straightened (which isn't too bad, actually, but is terribly time consuming).. and no luck finding anything i like. of course, my wife, my mom, and my hairdressers all can't say enough good things, and all would love to see me wearing it down more often, but they don't have to suffer. why don't i cut it? because the opinion (and thus, love) of my wife and my mom means too much. why didn't i cut it when i was in college (when i got my ear pierced, a tattoo, and flunked out a semester)? no fucking clue.
apparently i digress. this could be part one of __ at the rate this is going. so we've established the hatred of my hair.. the history, the reasons, the lack of solutions. with no plans of cutting my hair anytime soon, i feel like i'm constantly struggling with how to live with it, and give up the dream of having thinner hair, or at least a long/thin face instead of my round/chubby one that would compliment a short, butch haircut well. parts two, three, four and so on will most likely touch on how even if i wanted to try to pass maybe one day, i consider my hair a devastating handicap for the cause; and how men can have long hair and still be sexy, not to mention pass 100% of the time (i mean c'mon, look at johnny depp, and my wife's first true love); and speaking of my wife, maybe she has a thing for women and/or men with long hair (and doesn't even know it) and i would be shooting myself in the foot for a) screwing what everyone thinks, and embracing a short haircut with my round girlish face.. or b) trying my hand at being a man with short hair; oh, and we haven't even touched on the rock star aspect of my life (a major factor), and how cutting my hair (or somehow being more mannish in any way) would affect (as in make or break) my would-be-could-be career as a musician/front woman of a band; and, really, am i looking to have short hair for practical purposes? passing abilities? or maybe because i'm aching to be a butch lesbian and not a man at all? who knew so much thought when into a hairstyle? who knew so much thought when into keeping a hairstyle you hate? it's a fascinating place, my head... again, welcome. having fun yet? ;)
posted by imamessiguess at 5:53 PM
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